Introspection

If I think deeply, I find out that understanding your own self is as hard as understanding a random person that may be sitting next to you in transjakarta. But, the hardest thing is to be honest with yourself, then accept yourself. It's hard.

After this one year in 12th grade, met some new friends, got closer to the other friends, watched distance gaping between myself and another friend, got through some normal and even weird problems, witnessed some friends struggling, and of course I found myself suffering through this hard year (you know, some exams, try outs, those were killing me), I feel like I find something new about me.

It's not new, of course, but I just never knew it. It was like concealed and hidden, but now it appears on the surface that I can clearly see.

I appreciate honesty. I know it is common, but I just realized that I really appreciate it, even for some facts that people cannot bear. I mean, I cherish it when someone's coming clean to me, telling me some that I need to know. I hate it if someone lie to me. But call me hypocrite, I lie sometimes.

I never knew that I didn't want to cry. All that I knew was I could not cry. Well, crying is difficult for me. And additionally, I was doing this : every time I felt bad and the glands near to my eyes started to be watery, I forced myself not to weep. It happened all the time and now this is the result : even though now I want to cry, I just can't. Well, I still can burst into tears for severe pain, but I just can't for reasons that people easily cry for.

I always thought that I can never be involved in a long distance relationship and even friendship. But I am succeed to proof that I am able to get through that. Now that I am studying outside town, having some friends leave, but what is happening is that I am really expert in maintaining that friendship.

The most pathetic thing I just found out is that I adapt easily, too easily that somehow I lose my identity. Well, it can be that I am not losing my identity, but I just haven't known mine yet. But I really want to know, to build a character.

Oh, now I'm confused :/